Facebook Stalking (My More Successful Friends)

by Pat Regan

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I stayed up til 5 am again
Fa fa fa fa fa fa Facebook stalking my more successful friends
Jack’s got a house, Jane’s in Tangiers
I made 11 thousand dollars last year
Your girlfriend’s a 10 and mine’s not even real
Facebook stalking my more successful friends

Jeff just got cast on an HBO show
I’m on my ass watching HBO Go
But I can’t pay attention cuz I’m checking my phone
Facebook stalking my more successful friends

You got 99 likes on a pic on Throwback Thursday
Of you doing hover hand with Helen Hunt
My timeline’s dead year round except for on my birthday
And I haven’t had a friend request in months

But I only get half the story when
I’m Fa fa fa fa fa fa Facebook stalking my more successful friends
Cuz Jack’s new house just got repossessed
Jane’s in jail in Tangier for writing fake checks
HBO got Zach Braff and fired poor Jeff
And Jeff’s cat just got feline AIDS
That’s the worst kind of AIDS

They all make it look like they’re living the dream
But nobody’s life is as cool as it seems
You can bet your sweet ass they’re just as lonely as me
Facebook stalking my more successful friends
Facebook stalking my more successful friends

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released January 23, 2015

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Pat Regan Los Angeles, California

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